Tips and tricks to get out of Abusive situations

Now their is always someone who is in an abusive situation and can't get out.

In this instance, you can.

Its just not always easy.

One way to search for numbers and ways out but cover your tracks online is to go to the library or. use "private browsing". Erasing your browser history is also a nifty trick.

Here is a website.  http://www.safehorizon.org/index/get-help-8/for-domestic-violence-35.html?gclid=COSI2Zfx6rMCFZGPPAoddxgAlw

If at all possible you should call the National Abuse Hotline.

1-800-621-4673(hope)

That number actually goes with the same website. 

 
1-888-3737-888

 1−800−799−SAFE(7233)

TTY- 1−800−787−3224

Now those numbers are useful. 

Friends, call them. Family. Ask them. If its them you have these numbers.

 If you have friends and family who can hell, bite the bullet of shame.

I know the fear, I know its hard. You CAN do it!

Its possible.

Restraining orders are viable assets, as long as you make sure you get them and call. NEVER go out of your way to help them violate a restraining order unless the officer tell s you to do it. Right then and right their, which of course they won't. Because that would be wrong. *whistles*

Now if you have kids, for instance as I did in my situation. Knowing and planning are crucial. Those children's safety in leaving. I know that was my main concern.

Plan. The blow ups. Their is always a sign it is about to happen even if he gets you too psyched to see it, calm down, think clearly and with purpose. It helps.

Know thy abuser. They know you. Know them. 

Plan, children to safety first. If your partner will hurt you, they will hurt those children.

It may not be to that point but it progresses. They get more comfortable hurting you and I guarantee leaving them in it makes them a target for abuse. An abuser needs a target. Without one they feel inadequate. It is their crutch.

Always plan for them too. I was appalled to learn some don't and so felt the need to say this.

Take your first opportunity and don't think about it. If you think about it you will go back. Cling to that determination and when they call apologizing... don't listen.

Individual situations need different plans so call those numbers and they can help you. The police are also a good resource. Call your local PD. They were a big help in getting me and my family safe. Their are good officers out their for those who haven't ever met one. And yeah, their are not so great ones too. I am glad we had a good one... a good one who was really sick of coming out to handle my husband apparently and only happy to take him away in cuffs and help us be safe. ^-^ I will never forget him and will always be thankful for those who came out that day and did what they did. If they ever read this. "Thank you." I know they can't possibly hear it enough.

Now... the easiest way of all to get out is to not get in it(of course). 

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The following is a copy of a post I made to facebook------
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I will never understand Tazchan... being friend with someone who you have to be careful to never be alone with and never trust. I mean... I really don't get it. now Pebbleschan... if she cant trust em she isn't going to be their friend... seriously. I don't get it. Friendships too need trust as they build and knowing you can't trust someone because of what they did... I just really don't get this logic. 

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Best policy of all???

Pick your friends wisely. If you can't trust them, then don't.  

Healthy relationships form over time and people you spend a lot of time around you form bonds to.  Some bonds are healthy and built off of trust, friendship... and eventually love. They go both ways. Those are healthy.

An abuser however is not someone you want to bond to.   Don't spend time with anyone who makes you feel small or feel crazy... Not with people who hurt you. You end up bonding to them anyway. 

The less abuse you are around, the less people like that who are your friends... the less likely you will enter into an abusive relationship. 

 

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 Next time- Risks of Abuse

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Purse Test

OK, so the Purse test is designed to pinpoint and help you avoid abusers. It isn't the only test and some who pass this test won't pass others.

The Purse test, goes like this.

Before a date, make sure you don't have anything too important(just in case) in your purse. Keep the minimum. If you had your social security card int heir basically, take it out. Though I find keeping a sanitary feminine product to be amusing for this.

Just keep in mind, nobody SHOULD ever go through your purse, but their are some who will.

So...

Your out, your in a spot sitting down, you have to pee(or you don't and you need to go for some other reason such as "powdering your nose" as they call it-fixing your hair-something)... you ask them to watch your purse for you.

Keep it memorized, every angle and which way you have it. Before you do this you need to know exactly where your purse is, and all contents and where they are. And don't be nervous about it. your not doing anything bad, just a test.

Ok, so your in. The bathroom that is.

Spend an extra couple minutes. Keeping your cell phone in your bra instead of your purse is something I find useful for this(plus if they fail they don't get that too-fact of life-if they fail this test they fail other tests with it-its too basic for them not to), watch your time.

About five, ten minutes after you enter the bathroom, exit.

If your purse has moved, been opened, you as a woman need to leave them like you would a sack of potatoes. No more dates. I they call you for another date, just let them go, don't' tell them they failed some sort of test, just tell them they are not your type, which is true.

Unless you specifically tell that person to go in your purse and get that specific item you asked for... nobody shoudl go in your purse. THAT is yours.

A person that will go through your purse will go in your phone, your online accounts, etc.

Like I said, it is so basic they are not even worth another test. If they fail this one, they fail them all.

Some ways to make this amusing and more obvious.

Place things you know your date would find utterly embarrassing in your purse(for guys this is usually tampons and pads-not sure for women as I know too many perverts and it isn't the same it would be for me-some guys don't get embarrassed by this either but hey-when they do it is amusing). THEN for sticking their noses where they shouldn't' be.... you get to see them get uncomfortable as knowing someone went through your purse makes you(is ANYONE comfortable with someone going through their purse?)

Ok... so I am guilty of that SLIGHT payback moment... *sticks out tongue childishly*. I have no shame in this. At least I admit it.

On the flip side, anyone who sees someone go through their friends purse should always tell them. Keep to honesty though.

And for the guys who don't have purses or who are just not using them that day(I do have gay friends who don't always use their purses-I think I even have one who doesn't have one at all)... I am going to figure something else out. But just so you know, going through your phone or Facebook and changing your settings and talking shit to your friends falls under this clause.

Because no abuser stops at this, and every abuser gets worse with time.

If they go through your purse, they will go through everything else. You may not have anything to hide hun, but... it doesn't matter. This isn't theirs, its yours. Even when you get married their are things that are just yours as every healthy relationship has. These aren't big things, but small things. Ten years from now accidentally using each other razors won't be a big deal, but you won't be going into the wallet without them telling you to the same way they need to not go through your purse.

This is a two way barrier.

You need to keep in mind that for a healthy relationship and to avoid abuse, you too need to be mindful.


"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"

-Luna 

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Next time:

Types, and tricks to get out if your already in an abusive relationship

Introduction

Hi. I am Luna. ^-^

A little about why I am starting this blog.

I want to help others avoid abuse.

Their, done. Thats my reason. ^-^



So anyway, moving on, their are several types of abusers.

You have your "future rapist" type.

You have your "money control" type.

You have your "crazy making" type.

Of course everyone knows the "hitting" type.

"Control" typing.(though all abuse is about control).

Alot of types actually fit more than one mold... and truthfully this is just what I call them, their are really more types.

Abuse is about control, not about love.

The following things you should flat out run if it happens.

Name calling. If they call you names(like bitch, whore, slut, anything you do not personally tell them they can call you other than your name-and the occasional pet name for those who you know long enough-actual pet names-no partner should ever call you names-ever)... just so you know putting you down in any way shape or form is also included here.

Hitting. Unless you have some weird date where your attacked from an outside source and he is defending you... yeah, no. And please avoid guys who set that kind of stuff up... the guy who jumps you had better not be told to do so(I know one person who I would suspect if this happened-staged his own dammed kidnapping once too-then admitted it and called it a joke-guess a reason why we never will ever date).

Violating your personal space(IE: your purse, your online accounts, your diary, your cell phone, your mail), cuz it doesn't matter if your married or dating, or partnered up for life... this is wrong. The ONLY time this is OK is if you give permission, or my therapist said in the case of cheating(meaning you know and are checking). Personally though I would avoid those things in checking for cheating... though I found out plenty from my husbands text messages(been separated for quite a while and not a chance in hell of us ever getting back together-If only I had known then what I do now)... and his Facebook(though I didn't hack that-he left it open along with his yahoo and I got glimpses while logging him out to get into my own-so the entire "I never cheated on you" thing... besides that I heard from a couple women he propositioned... yeah. no luck pal---be a cold day in hell before I ever believe you were faithful).

Cheating. If your in an "open relationship" and are seeing other people... alright but you kinda both should agree. if you don't want an open relationship and they do... then don't stay. leave. that's about all I can tell you their.

If your date says something like "we will go anywhere you want" and you pick a place and they shoot you down... walk. Do not go out on another date with them. Pure and simple. Its a controlling behavior designed to rip the foundation from under your feet so to speak. Destabilizes the situation. Makes it easier to control you when your unsure and insecure. If they do this or LIE to you... run. also, turning the blame around on you and such things(will go more into detail as this blog continues).

Pressures you into sex. Don't laugh, its true. And if you do have sex with them and they try to get you to do things you don't want to do even when you have said(communication of your wishes is still your responsibility), or pushed(in some circumstances-I am aware some fetishes include gags... not my thing but I have friends who like it) them away, then run like hell. These behaviors progress.

Now all abuse is about control and NO abuse is OK.

Theirs a lot more I am going to cover here, and don't worry. their are ways to avoid these partners and figure out who's who. We will cover that too.

I honestly couldn't even begin to cover it all in one blog. Their is just so much of it.

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Next Time-

Purse Test
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-Luna